A bad day at Hallmark

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Looking back over the years

That we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I've always wanted to have

Someone to hold,

Someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.





-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------



I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.





//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////



As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.





####################################################



Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.





********************************************************************************



Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



When we were together,

You always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.





//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////



We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?





+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.





=====================================================



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?





%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



Your friends and I wanted to do

Something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.





))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



So your daughter's a hooker,

And it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay


FEEL FREE TO EMAIL THIS TO ALL THE FRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE!