A bad day at Hallmark

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!




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Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.





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Looking back over the years

That we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"





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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.





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How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?





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I've always wanted to have

Someone to hold,

Someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.





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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.





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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.





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Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.





********************************************************************************



Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)





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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!





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When we were together,

You always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.





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We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?





+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.





=====================================================



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?





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Your friends and I wanted to do

Something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.





))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



So your daughter's a hooker,

And it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay


FEEL FREE TO EMAIL THIS TO ALL THE FRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE!

Twin baby moose in sprinkler

Just a little reminder how important wildlife is, and I couldn't help but think while I was watching this, that ranchers play a big part in preserving our natural spaces.

Get Service

I just gave the Weather Network shit

Every morning Mark gets up and turns on the Weather Network. He does not watch t.v. during the day, but every chance he gets he flips it on to see the forecast. This year has been particularly difficult with all the rain. Once again, they skimmed over Manitoba. This is a pattern we've noticed and have becoming increasingly frustrated with. Anyway, I just happened to be sitting on my writing chair working on my novel, which is coming along really nicely by the way.

Here's the email I sent them. Please let me know if you agree:

Good morning,

My husband and I tune into the weather network many times each day. We are cattle producers living in Manitoba's Interlake region. While I understand this is a large country and the bulk of the population lies in Eastern Canada, I am disappointed that you report very little on what is going on in the west. Just a few minutes ago, I watched again as a brief mention of predicted rain in southern Manitoba was mentioned and then a long description of all the rain and photos of rainfall in Toronto and Oakville. I believe the reported stated a total of 344 mm of rain there since June . . . we have had the same amount here. Because we rely heavily on the weather for our livelihood we keep track on our kitchen calendar.

I would like to go on record as saying that while the bulk of your potential viewership may be in the cities, the people who watch your station regularly are the farmers. It is seldom that you mention the weather in Bruce County in Ontario; and you skim over Saskatchewan and Manitoba as if we don't even exist. We never see footage from B.C.'s farming region and Alberta is the largest cattle province in this country - there is more to report there than just what is happening in Calgary and Edmonton. It is both discouraging and insulting that while we are struggling to get the hay made so we have something to feed our cows over the long winter, or agonizing over whether or not we'll be able to get the crops off the field, that your main focus is on the cities.

I know for a fact that right now your station is on and being watched by the majority of farmers in the above mentioned regions. How many people commuting to work turn on the weather channel before they leave? Unless it's Friday afternoon or the weekend, the weather plays a very small role in their day-to-day life. I know this because I haven't always lived here. I am originally from Stoney Creek, Ontario and grew up a city girl. The difference between how my parents reacted to the weather and my husband's family is a world apart.

Complaining without offering a solution amounts to just bitching. I would like to make the following suggestion: Why don't you report more on what is happening in the rural parts of this country on weekdays and give more time to the urban areas leading up to the weekend? This may sound a little simplistic but believe me when I say that increased coverage of the west and farm areas in the east would be both noticed and appreciated. We are the ones relying on your forecasts.

Thank you for considering my comments.