A bad day at Hallmark

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Looking back over the years

That we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I've always wanted to have

Someone to hold,

Someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.





-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------



I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.





//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////



As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.





####################################################



Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.





********************************************************************************



Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



When we were together,

You always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.





//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////



We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?





+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.





=====================================================



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?





%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



Your friends and I wanted to do

Something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.





))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



So your daughter's a hooker,

And it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay


FEEL FREE TO EMAIL THIS TO ALL THE FRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE!

Twin baby moose in sprinkler

Just a little reminder how important wildlife is, and I couldn't help but think while I was watching this, that ranchers play a big part in preserving our natural spaces.

Get Service

I just gave the Weather Network shit

Every morning Mark gets up and turns on the Weather Network. He does not watch t.v. during the day, but every chance he gets he flips it on to see the forecast. This year has been particularly difficult with all the rain. Once again, they skimmed over Manitoba. This is a pattern we've noticed and have becoming increasingly frustrated with. Anyway, I just happened to be sitting on my writing chair working on my novel, which is coming along really nicely by the way.

Here's the email I sent them. Please let me know if you agree:

Good morning,

My husband and I tune into the weather network many times each day. We are cattle producers living in Manitoba's Interlake region. While I understand this is a large country and the bulk of the population lies in Eastern Canada, I am disappointed that you report very little on what is going on in the west. Just a few minutes ago, I watched again as a brief mention of predicted rain in southern Manitoba was mentioned and then a long description of all the rain and photos of rainfall in Toronto and Oakville. I believe the reported stated a total of 344 mm of rain there since June . . . we have had the same amount here. Because we rely heavily on the weather for our livelihood we keep track on our kitchen calendar.

I would like to go on record as saying that while the bulk of your potential viewership may be in the cities, the people who watch your station regularly are the farmers. It is seldom that you mention the weather in Bruce County in Ontario; and you skim over Saskatchewan and Manitoba as if we don't even exist. We never see footage from B.C.'s farming region and Alberta is the largest cattle province in this country - there is more to report there than just what is happening in Calgary and Edmonton. It is both discouraging and insulting that while we are struggling to get the hay made so we have something to feed our cows over the long winter, or agonizing over whether or not we'll be able to get the crops off the field, that your main focus is on the cities.

I know for a fact that right now your station is on and being watched by the majority of farmers in the above mentioned regions. How many people commuting to work turn on the weather channel before they leave? Unless it's Friday afternoon or the weekend, the weather plays a very small role in their day-to-day life. I know this because I haven't always lived here. I am originally from Stoney Creek, Ontario and grew up a city girl. The difference between how my parents reacted to the weather and my husband's family is a world apart.

Complaining without offering a solution amounts to just bitching. I would like to make the following suggestion: Why don't you report more on what is happening in the rural parts of this country on weekdays and give more time to the urban areas leading up to the weekend? This may sound a little simplistic but believe me when I say that increased coverage of the west and farm areas in the east would be both noticed and appreciated. We are the ones relying on your forecasts.

Thank you for considering my comments.

Writer's heaven

This is where I spend most summer mornings.
I get up as early as I can, usually between 4:00 and 5:00 and my day begins by writing from this chair on our deck. We screened the deck in the spring of 2001 and this became the room we use most in the summer time.

The deck faces the east so I am able to watch the sun come up over the bush. A large oak tree in the yard filters the glare, letting in enough light and warmth that by 8:00 a.m. I can take the blanket off my lap. This is an absolutely wonderful place to write.

All is quiet here in the morning except for the twittering of birds and the occasional bawl of a cow or calf at the far end of the pasture. It is really nice when the cows come by, swinging their tales and munching grass. The air is absolutely still until about 9:00 a.m. when the wind starts to pick up.

As the days grow shorter and summer progresses into early fall, I'll spend less time out here. But for now I'll appreciate every day that I can. My creative juices flow freely here and the scenes of my novel are vivid in my mind. They say that connecting with nature is one of the best things a person can do to inspire creativity and I believe this is so.

The book is coming along nicely and hopefully will be done soon.

The Last Lecture

A university professor who inspired thousands with his message of hope and determination, despite having only months to live, has died.

Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon University, died early Friday at his home in Virginia.

The 47-year-old became famous after the "last lecture" he delivered in September 2007 became an Internet sensation, watched by millions online.

He had been diagnosed with incurable pancreatic cancer one year earlier -- and given just three to six months to live.

"We can't change the cards we're dealt, just how we play the hand," the computer science professor says at the beginning of his lecture. "If I don't seem as morose or depressed as you think I should be, sorry to disappoint you."

The husband and father of three young children goes on to deliver a phenomenally uplifting message, speaking about achieving your dreams. At one point he even does pushups to demonstrate the strength he still had in his cancer-ridden body.

He later said the message was meant as a "message in a bottle" to his kids Logan, Dylan and Chloe.

The momentum of the YouTube video was carried over to a book project that Pausch embarked on with Jeffrey Zaslow, a columnist at the Wall Street Journal.

The book "The Last Lecture" is essentially a series of lectures that Pausch delivered by cell phone to Zaslow as he rode his bicycle to stay fit.

It climbed to the top of the best-seller list when it was published in April and remains there still.

Pausch was a professor of computer science and human-computer interaction and design, and was considered by many to be a pioneer in virtual reality research. He also co-founded the Carnegie Mellon Entertainment Technology Center -- a facility designed to bring artists and engineers together.

He was known at Carnegie Mellon -- where he also studied and received a Ph.D. -- for his energetic and exuberant style as a teacher and mentor.

Watch the last lecture through the link on the right hand side of this page.

The Joy of Strawberry Pie

When we were young and industrious, Mark and I cultivated a U-Pick Strawberry patch right here on the farm. Every year from 1985 until 1996, we buzzed around in May and June getting ready for the three weeks that, depending on the weather, would either be a complete washout or booming success.

I remember those times fondly. I'd pull on my sweatpants, sweatshirt and rubber boots and open up at 6:30 a.m. People would come from all over with stacks of empty ice cream pails in their cars to pick them all full. Some years our crop was tremendous - Mark really did know how to grow strawberries and it helped that we hit upon a June bearing variety, the Glooscap, that produced particularly well in our soil.

Some of our pickers were the best customers in the world. They came regardless of the year we were having and picked, without complaint, even when the berries were small. Some of them would bring along a picnic lunch and sit in the shade after the picking was done. The memory of one group of pickers crawling along the rows, singing hymns is something I'll never forget.

My mother-in-law, Jonina, loved the strawberries. After her morning chores were done she would come out to the field and either spell me off or pick a few for herself. I remember in the early years when were first getting started "Jo" would try and pay me for the berries she picked. Of course I never accepted it and had to act really insulted so that she would stop offering. We had some really wonderful times together picking berries while the guys were out haying. She taught me how to make jam and we filled our freezers full with whatever was left over at the end of the season.

During the days of the Siglunes ball tournament, both Jo and I would each take two strawberry pies down to the hall and they were sold by the ladies club along with pies from all the other women in the community. Jo happened upon the recipe one day, gave it a try and then passed it on to me. As the years passed, it got so that people in the stands would jump down and run to stand in line when they saw us walking up past the ball diamonds with those pies.

After Jo passed away in the spring of 1993, things began to change here on the farm. We shut down the U-PICK as our lives began going in different directions.

I'd like to share with you Jo's recipe for Strawberry Pie:

Crust:
1 1/2 cups graham crumbs
1/4 cup sugar
4 tbsp. butter or margarine

Mix together and press into a pie plate. I use a deep dish glass pan. Bake in the oven for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Let cool.

Filling:
1 1/2 c. water
3/4 c. sugar
2 tsp. cornstarch
1 pkg. strawberry jello
Approx. 5 cups halved strawberries

250 ml (1 cup) Whipping cream
Sugar to taste

Mix the cornstarch in the sugar in a small bowl. Heat the water in a small pot until boiling, then slowly pour in the sugar mixture. Cook until clear, stirring continually. Remove from heat. Pour in the jello and stir until there are no clumps.

Using a slotted spoon, pour in a cup of strawberries. Stir until the berries are coated and then lift them into the cool pie shell. Continue doing this until the pie plate is heaping with coated berries. Then pour the remaining liquid evenly over top. Cool in the fridge for about 2 hours.

Whip the cream with a mixer, adding the sugar slowly until the cream is stiff. Spread on top of the pie and put back in the fridge. Don't worry about how to store the leftovers because there won't be any.

If you have any questions about this recipe, feel free to comment and I will reply.

Yes, it is raining again

1. Wake up at 3:00 a.m.
2. Start working on my novel.
3. Check the basement for flooding
4. Realize I am being paranoid and get back to work.

Things are starting to get tense here on the farm. It is, let me check the date, July 17th and we haven’t started haying yet. To put that in perspective for non-farming folk, we usually start at the end of June.

The problem is that it has been raining since May. Mark checks the rain gauge faithfully and has recorded a whopping 13.36” this season. The pastures and hayfields are saturated and a small lake has sprung up in the yard. Last week, we had a mini-flood in the basement.

On the bright side, he’s done all sorts of things around the house. He fixed the stove, installed a new pill switch in the septic tank and has the garage almost cleaned out. This morning, between a break in the clouds, we rode our bikes over to the neighbour’s house and had coffee on their screened in deck.

The cattleman’s motto is: Make hay while the sun shines. This year however, it’s become: Drink coffee and watch the weather channel.

Wine Season

Wine Season

1. Get up and check on two new batches of wine
2. Stir vigorously
3. Add a heater to the closet since it’s frickin cold outside
4. Realize the garbage stinks like rotten fruit and pitch it outside onto the porch.

I spent yesterday afternoon cleaning 10 baskets of strawberries. They were brought to me by a friend who went and bought the pre-picked pails from a farm in Portage la Prairie. I froze some, put a basket in the fridge to make a strawberry pie and have turned the rest into wine.

Making home made wine is my only hobby. I started a few years ago after getting hooked on Louis Cote’s wine. Louis is a retired teacher who lives north of Moosehorn and he’s been making the stuff for over 25 years. His is all natural, made from berries that he and his wife Sharon pick themselves.

I remember the first time I was offered a glass of Louis’ wine. I was visiting and told them politely, “No thanks, I don’t drink wine.” The insisted I have a taste, which I did and then forgot about it. On the next visit, I had another taste. And the same thing happened every time I visited over a period of two years. Then one day a friend of Laurie’s came for a visit and brought with him a bottle of home made wine. We served it with dinner and after about two glasses, I began to exclaim how good it was. I examined the label to see that it was made by Louis Cote. At that moment it all came together for me and I’ve been a wine fan of his ever since.

Over the years, Louis has taught many people to make wine. Nervous that I’d do something wrong, he went through it with me step by step. Still nervous, I bought all the supplies I needed and went to Mike and Diane Price’s house. Mike had recently learned from Louis how to make the wine and we made a few batches together. Once I was confident, I started making it on my own. Last summer I put down 10 carboys which resulted in close to 300 bottles of wine. Like me, people who drink it get hooked. I’ve made a lot of friends because of it.

With my berries and sugar all ready, I went down into the basement and began rooting through my supplies. After about 10 minutes of searching, I realized that I’d lost the recipe Louis gave me. Sheepishly, I called his house. After a few minutes of razzing, he gave me the instructions over the phone.

For me, summer has become wine making season. I am already eyeing the chokecherry bush in the yard, am hoping for saskatoons and have checked both the tame and wild plum trees and because of the rain it looks like there will be a bumper crop. I picked enough rhubarb for a batch and a half, and put two more rhubarb plants into the garden. We plan to clear a section of the garden with hopes of putting in more plum and cherry trees next year.

How many batches do I plan to make this year? At least 12. And I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.

Victory

1. Wake up feeling guilty that I haven’t blogged in awhile
2. Resist the temptation since I need to finish my novel
3. Make a resolution that I will instead blog in the evening
4. 4:00 p.m. – get started!

My internet service was down for awhile and I was away in Winnipeg for nearly two weeks, so those of you who visit my blog regularly probably noticed that the posts in June and July were scant at best.

I do have some good news to report that should have been done long ago – Teresa Johnson was successful in her bid to have Bill 28 changed to include the Ashern and Fisher Branch Early Years Schools. That means that in the foreseeable future, these schools will be protected under the Bill and will stay open.

Education Minister, Peter Bjornson, gave Teresa the news in person.

A good answer

Sent to me by a friend who has five children:

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their
seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him
and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer
complaints.

The difference between generations

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, bsp; light-speed processing ....and," pausing to take another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little twit, what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was resounding -

Chuckle for the day

One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the
front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this
was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old
ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the best of me, & I went inside to talk to
the Nursing Home Administrator.

'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'

'Yes,' she said. 'They 're retired prostitutes, & they're having a yard
sale.'

Me and LaCochina

When I was a little girl, my parents had a friend named John and he drove the Humpty Dumpty potato chip truck. I remember thinking this was a pretty cool job since I've always been a huge potato chip fan.
I was in Winnipeg about ten years ago and I went into a little cafe in Osborne Village called Common Ground. It was a wierdly, fantastic little place much like something out of a fairy land. Whenever I'd go to the city, I'd drag my friends there. It was run by the Twelve Tribes Community, there was folk music playing and candles lit every table. The place was dark, candlelit and the tables made from hand hewn logs. It was like a little fairy tale place and I absolutely loved going there. The foods were all natural.
About six years ago, the restaurant moved, downsized and they removed my favourite dish from the regular order. I hear that they have since renovated so when I go to Winnipeg this week plan to try it again for lunch.
I came away with three things from my initial experience: Northern Lites candles, Yerba Maté and LaCochina chips. I didn't know what to order that first time in the restaurant and thought I'd try the nacho plate which is still to this day the best nacho plate I've ever eaten. The chips were thin, crispy and the absolute best. Somehow I discovered they were supplied by a Manitoba company. You may have seen them in the grocery stores - they are packaged in a green and orange bag and are called LaCochina. Since then, they are the only tortilla chips I buy.
When I was at "Touch the Farm" I met the LaCochina man. That's right. The man who owns the company that makes LaCochina chips. He is a chicken producer who has the company right on his farm. I told him how much I love his chips. It was kinda like meeting a rock star. I plan to go there and see how he makes the chips and promise that when I do, I'll take my camera, get some photos and write about it.

What is she thinking?

On my way to town yesterday, I met a cyclist pedalling along the highway in the rain. It was a miserable, cool, soaking afternoon and as I was wondering what motivates a person to go on a cycling trek, I met another cyclist who was lagging at least a mile behind. As I passed by, I recognized that the cyclist was a young woman. This is not the first time I've seen couples biking along the highway, the man way out in front while the woman struggles to keep up.
How much fun is that?
I mean, what is she thinking?
"I'm dying back here. There's no goddamned way I'm helping him set up that friggin' tent. I'm going to pedal right on past him and check into the first motel I see. Next time, he can bring Fat Larry and see how well he keeps up. I should just stop and see how long it takes for him to notice. I'm going to divorce him the minute we get home. No sex for him tonight."
I mean honestly, what woman in her right mind would go on a cycling trip with her husband without a motorized bike? No woman over 40, I'll tell you that much. By the time you hit the Big 4-0 you've gone on hikes, drywalled the basement together, moved a fridge up a flight of stairs and have come to the realization that hey, you're just not as strong as him. Trying to keep up is an exercise in futility, unless of course you're super fit and married to Fat Larry.
The only adventure I'd ever go on with Mark would be a canoe trip. I'd make sure it was with both of us in the same canoe. I'd sit behind him and chat up a storm and then whenever my arms got tired, I'd just stop paddling. It would be great fun. And we wouldn't have to get a divorce afterwards.

In Memoriam

Four years ago today, David Pischke passed away.
I was standing at the kitchen sink when the call came. It was Lynne, David’s wife. She as sobbing uncontrollably and I knew immediately that something was terribly wrong. In the days that followed, many people said that one consolation about his untimely death is that he did not suffer. David died from a massive heart attack in his sleep. He was 56 years old.

The summer he died, little things started happening in my house. Lights would come on, the t.v. would turn off. I’d hear the floor creak in the kitchen, the unmistakable sound of someone walking across the floor. Over the last few years, a pattern has developed in that the noises happen more often in the summertime than in the winter.

Three mornings ago I was awake, trying to decide if I should get up or stay in be a little bit longer. Directly across from our bedroom is Mark’s office. That’s where I do the farm books and the kids are able to use the IBM computer to go on the internet and do homework. I thought that my niece Kassarah had gotten up early to finish her homework, which was very strange because she always does her homework right after school (yes, I know that’s weird but it’s completely true) and is as reluctant as every other teenager in the world to get up in the morning. Besides, it was 3:00 a.m. So I laid there and listened to the sound of someone working at the desk, the keyboard on the computer clicking as if someone was typing. No, this was not a dream. I was wide awake. I got up to check, momentarily thinking that maybe the sound was coming from MY office and that someone was in the process of stealing my laptop. Crazy things go through a person’s mind at 3:00 a.m.
Of course, nobody was there. Nobody ever is.
That afternoon I was folding laundry in the basement, watching Oprah at the same time. Folding laundry (and ironing) are two of the most boring household chores that a person can engage in and I need to watch t.v. while I do this. Anyway, I took Laurie’s pile of clothes and put them in his room, just off the little living room we have in the basement. His bedside lamp was on. It is one that turns on and off by touch. I shut it off, consciously wondering if it would be on again the next morning and it was.

I’m not the only person in the house who hears these noises. The funny thing is that it isn’t frightening at all. Of course there is no way to know if it is David’s spirit or not. Maybe the spirit has always been in the house and we just didn’t notice it before. But thinking it might be a close friend makes it easier to accept, and not at all scary.

When most people think of a spirit in the house it gives them the creeps. We’ve all seen too many haunting movies that are exaggerated to scare the shit out of movie goers. There is no frightening music, no visions of bloody death. The house doesn’t vibrate, we aren’t slammed up against the walls and the noises are not accompanied by an ominous wind or thunderstorm. In fact, footsteps in the hallway would make for a pretty boring movie.

People who don’t believe in ghosts and spirits can find all sorts of ways to explain away these strange happenings. I find this very humorous and have experienced enough that I can’t be convinced otherwise.

And for those of you who are fans of the book “Where Children Run,” you’ll be happy to know that I’m working on getting it reprinted. It’s a job I plan to finish sometime this summer – before life begins to get hectic again in the fall.

Maybe that’s what all the clicking on the keyboard was about. David or somebody else trying to tell me that it was time to get up and start writing.

Save the little school

I just found out that Teresa Johnson will be presenting tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. in the Manitoba Legislature to the Standing Committee on Education. She is asking that Bill 28 be amended so that the Ashern and Fisher Branch Early years schools be included in the moratorium on school closures. Currently the Bill reads that only school closure decisions made after January 1, 2008 need approval by the Minister before school divisions can proceed and shut down a school. Since the Lakeshore decision was made last year in June, our two schools are not protected by the Bill. She is asking that the January 1, 2008 date be removed from the Bill.

Good luck, Teresa. I know you'll do a great job.

Book Launch

If you're going to be in Winnipeg on Tuesday June 10th, consider attending the launch of "Jewell Adventure," by Gilbert Hofer. The launch will be held at McNally Robinson Booksellers at 7:00 p.m. (Grant Park).

Jewell Adventure is the first English language children's book written by a Hutterite author and published by the Hutterite Brethren Book Centre. Gilbert will read from his book and sign copies. Publisher Kenny Wollmann says: "There will be food . . . cold cuts, cheese and Hutterite dainties. Go for the food if nothing else!"

About Jewell Adventure: Many Hutterite boys dream of riding to the nehbours on forbidden bikes. What adventures will Gilbert and his friends have when they decide to take the trip and what will happen to them if they are caught?

"Gilbert Hofer's enchanting and ground breaking tale of young Hutterite boys on a day's adventure, combined with wonderful illustrations by Victor Kleinsasser, is a must read for any one interested in children's literature and Hutterite life"
- Joe McLellan, co-author of Goose Girl and the Nanabosho Series

When the internet goes down

Did I mention that our internet tower got hit by lightening?
This has completely messed up my routine and frustrated my blogging efforts.
Thanks to everyone who keeps checking back to see my next post. I promise I'll have something for you to read very soon.